Caution: Broken Girl Ahead

Evidently, when I signed up for this journey, I had no idea that it entailed a beautiful land, cool people, AND losing myself to who I thought I was.  This second month has been quite an emotional journey. A journey towards finding myself. I did, however, find myself in a book today. Boy, was that a relief! It’s like a doctor diagnosing your problem with a big, official, medical title, instead of hearing, “We don’t know what your problem is. Let’s run some more tests.” I really knew this was what was going on, but to read it in a book made me feel like my experience wasn’t necessarily normal, but real.

“It is imperative that we submit our lives to the hands of the Master Potter. We must allow the Lord to break us, refashion us, and if necessary re-commission us in a way more suitable for His purpose. If we miss this appointment on the Potter’s wheel, we are forever doomed to a life of mediocrity. If we make the connection, we will be transformed from glory to glory into the very image of Christ.” Larry Randolph, "The Coming Shift"

That's it? That sounds painful.

I feel as though my mind has been washed clean. Dumped out. Emptied. I was once full of experience, awards, and passion to lead others in the business world. I drove results, developed leaders and stood tall in my usefulness and success. Now, all I can execute are memories. That’s all that comes out. But the memories aren’t fulfilling me any longer. I am no longer me. Who I was is fading. I feel like a USB memory stick inside a non-compatible PC. All the training and developing of who I was in the business world is simply not converting to where I am.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." (Prov. 3:5)

I heard that Scripture the 2nd Sunday I was here. Little did I know that it was would be a huge, yellow caution sign that marked the road ahead. That scripture now rings inside this emptied mind. I always thought it was just a fun little scripture that reminded me to always get God’s opinion and perspective on whatever task/problem I was working through. Cute, huh? I am now living out and defining the deepest aspect of what that scripture could possibly mean to me.

"Lean not on your own understanding" = to have all of your understanding washed from you so you can’t even lean on it even if you wanted to.

I never knew my work defined who I was this much. That every part of my being was wrapped up in the success of my career. That is, until it was all removed. Every bit of it. A tall empty body is all that is left.

I am now officially broken wide open and am being re-built. This 6 foot girl is still growing.

I have been sent to an environment that is divinely orchestrated by God to break down my confidence in my flesh. And if I didn’t make this move to the other side of the world, then all that I once was wouldn’t continue growing anyway. The memories of the excitement and prestige that I can play in my mind would have ended in a life of mediocrity.

It's no longer about my performance, but about His grace.

A Bonzer Time

Why you should come to Australia! Check out this video.

Valentine's Day officially has meaning to me!  As of February 14th, I've been here one full month! How awesome is that?! (ha - and you all thought I met someone).

However, this 2nd month has been one of the most exciting and yet scariest times of my life. The roads and grocery store no longer scare me, but finding myself and learning more about who I am...that has been the scary part!

But, speaking of scary...I did almost get into my first bingle (Translation: "car accident"). No, it wasn't in a roundabout or turning into on-coming traffic (although I've done that too). It was much more intense than that. One thing you may not know about me is, when I moved out of Florida, I moved out because of the roaches. Yes. The ones that fly, the ones that live in pretty palm trees, the ones that literally make you climb on top of a table and scream like death is near.

I'll live with spiders, snakes, furry rats, but not roaches. Especially not the most hated roach of all - the German Roach, which I discovered, followed me to the other side of the world.

There I am, successfully driving down the street enjoying a breath-taking summer day when out of the corner of my eye I saw something run across the passenger side floor. Then my eyes met with his. He froze. I froze. It was him. The German! With one eye, I quickly looked to the seat next to me while my mind was chanting, "they're here! I'm going to die! I'm going to die!" With one hand on the wheel, I grabbed the only possibly weapon, my grocery list.  Then with one bend forward and a blood curling scream, I smashed him! Success! I won. I was victorious!

Remembering I was still driving, I continued on my journey glancing down every once in awhile to enjoy my grossed-out victory. However, there was one particular quality I forgot those things posses - they fake death really well. How do I know that? You guessed it, he was gone. The faker is still out there just waiting to plan out his next attack.

Enough about bugs...how about fish?

I had a fish swim past me while I was swimming laps in the pool the other day. That was truly an answer to prayer...not the fish, but the pool. One thing I quickly learned when I got here was that the $17/month I was paying for a gym membership in the States equals $17/WEEK here. So my options were to get flabby or find free ways to stay in shape. So, with my passion for swimming, I prayed that I'd find a free way to swim. With nothing but a big, free, open ocean in front of me, the sound of waves, currents, and small sharks made swimming laps feel slightly unappealing. 

So, I began accepting that I was just going to have to learn how to enjoy working out on dry land. But, driving along the coast back to our flat one day, Kelly told me about a rock pool that most of the beaches have. The city pumps in ocean water into this protected pool that sits right on the ocean. YEA! It was a miracle. The smallest things of my life are being taken care of.

Someone told me me they liked my accent. 

I wanted to quickly correct them and explain that it wasn't me that had an accent, but it was them that had the accent. I wanted to say, "We speak very plainly. You're the one with the cool swing on the end of each word you say." But I was in line at a barby (Translation: "Barbeque") and to prevent stopping up the entire que to the snags (Translation: "line to the sausages"), I smiled and kindly said, "Thank you."

It's funny what comes out of my mouth that doesn't make sense here...

I suggested to Drew, our business manager, "that wasn't a 911, so we can do that later." As soon as I said it, I realized that Australian's don't have 911. So, I paused, then corrected myself and said, "000." That's the the 3 most important emergency numbers to know. (Thanks Dad for quizzing me on that before you left. Very helpful.)

I'm also learning that my Bath and Body fragrances are very foreign here. I walked into an auditorium a few weeks ago and these guys in front of me said, "What is that sugary, cake smell?" Busted. It was my Special Edition Vanilla Yuletide Pear. In the States, the response would be more like, "Oh, what is that delicious Bath and Body fragrance I smell? I think it's the new special edition fragrance Yuletide Pear. How wonderful. You smell really good!"

It looks as though I have a few things to teach these Aussies.

PHOTO OPS!

The tall and cute Joel Houston at our C3 Conference. 

(This was where I wore my "cake" fragrance. Awesome!)

My super cool boss about to rock the stage at C3!

Kelly and I at the cafe downstairs under our flat. We went and splurged on breakfast.

Look!  The cockatoos are wild and all over the place!

I must say, all in all, having a BONZER time!

(Translation: I'm having a great time!)

My First Aussie Adventures

I actually had a California to-do list that I had to complete before I left. I had to re-fuel myself on everything that was American so it could cruise me through 2 years in a non-American land. Every American burger (or just In and Out), every Mexican restaurant, of course Disney Land. Oh, and then seal it all off with a Hollywood Dr. Phil studio taping. That almost didn’t get crossed off the list…I had to squeeze that one in 8 hours before my LAX flight. But, it paid off. No, they didn’t pull me out of the stage and ask me to be a movie star, but being there hours before my flight did keep my mind off the fact that I was about to make a leap over the Pacific ocean to the other side of the world, leaving everyone, everything that has made me, me. I guess it was a good thing they made me sign a waiver before I went on the show, “being a member of the audience does not allow you free, personal counseling by Dr. Phil.” I would have been tempted to ask him if I should stay.

Before we arrived at LAX I reminded myself how smoothly everything was about to go. After all, I was being obedient to where I know the Lord has called me, so He will make sure I don’t have any problems with my “slightly” over-packed luggage, no delays getting on the plane, and then 2 lengthy bulk-overhead seats waiting for me and my dad to stretch out our 6 foot legs for the entire 14 hour flight. “What? I’m sorry, did you just say my dad needs a Visa in order to arrive in Sydney for a week and he doesn’t have one on file? Umm, the plane is full and the seats we reserved only fit small children? I think I heard you wrong about my heavy luggage. It sounded like you said $300… “(gulp) This is where I completely lost it. Yes, tears began to fall. I held it in through all the good-byes, all the final hugs and kisses, and then at the airport in front of the luggage lady, it all came out. The world hates me…what am I doing…THIS is the sign, I’m not suppose to go. Take me home! I was distraught. God left me…something had to be wrong up there.

“God, don’t forget I’m being obedient!”

I know what you are saying. Slightly naïve form of thinking, Heather. Blame it on my emotional levels or the mean luggage lady, but I was treading unrealistic waters feeling like I was untouchable in this world I was stepping into. I was exempt from this test called Life. Everything was going to be better. But, God never allows me to wallow in my own self-pity for long. A few hours over the Pacific, I unfolded myself from my seat to reach my Ipod and turned to the good ole Jentzen Podcast. As if he only spoke the sermon for my ears, I quickly shifted back to my purpose. “Satan doesn’t ever attack a retreating army, but an advancing one.” That was what I was doing. I was advancing. I had to stay strong and realize there will always be battles. Its just part of life. But I will choose to pray, fight, and still look for God’s miracles.

Landing in Sydney was already going so much better than taking off. Successfully passing through the friendly Australian customs officers I felt like, this is perfect, I am one of them. I am a Sydney-an. No one thinks I am a foreigner. But as I approached the final line to exit out to the blue, warm skys of the south Pacific, this little guy with a big badge approached my dad and I asking if we had any fruit, nuts or food of any kind, including Ranch dressing. Cover was blown. Apparently, I look so American that he had to ask if my over-sized luggage was full of Ranch dressing.But, for fear of more fines, I had to confess that I didn’t have Ranch but I had a ton of guacamole mix to last 2 years!

The first few days exploring the northern coast of Sydney we were running on adrenaline and delirium. We were going so fast to register every aspect of my new life…buy car, drive on left side of road, move into apartment, buy insurance, register car, drive on left side of road, shop for groceries, visit Target (surprise they have Target), drive on left side of road, buy cell phone, buy internet connection… I never had time to realize that I was really making myself as permanent to this country as an Aussie sun burn. I am really doing this!

While driving on the RIGHT side of the car on the LEFT side of the road, I measured the effectiveness of each day based upon how many honks I received. There were some days I got four in a one second moment. I guess that made up for the moments that no one honked at me at all out of sheer shock as I was coming towards them. But I triumphed through bracing the steering wheel like an old lady in a Cadillac and peering over the dashboard, saying to myself, “I will survive…this country will not beat me!” The roundabouts also were something to graduate from. I had to learn how to courageously roll into the parade of cars following each other in a circle then spit out into four different directions (I mean you pick one of the four). When in doubt, just circle around and around a few more times and eventually you will flow out into the right spot.

I would have to say hands down, beyond the car shopping, insurance buying, and re-learning how to drive, the biggest stress was going grocery shopping. Those that know me will not be shocked right now. I can probably count on one hand how many times I go to the grocery store in a year. I thought of every way possible of how I could survive without doing this but everyone of them ended with just not eating at all which is not a good idea according to my family. I learned that the nearest grocery store was only 3 roundabouts down the street, and then take the first exit on the third roundabout. Sure enough, at the bottom of the first exit I rolled right into the car park (parking lot) of a Woolsworth grocery store. My survival mode kicked in again as soon as I stepped out of the car.

I can do this. It’s only a grocery store in another country. What could be the big deal?

Once again, if I could step into this food world, buy what I need and not look like a foreigner while doing it that will be success. Under the awning of the weather worn store I spotted green shopping carts. Perfect! They have four wheels and are identical to the ones where I am from. We are doing good so far. As I approached the carts, I pulled one to claim it as mine to begin my adventure of food shopping, however, the cart would not move. They were all chained with a little lock that connected each cart together. For fear of appearing that I had never experienced a chained cart at a grocery store, and to prevent opening my American voice to actually ask someone what I needed to do, I just stepped back away from the cart and stared with a sort of bewildered look, thinking, I have absolutely no idea what the heck I need to do. I’m not quite sure how long I was staring, but it was enough for the guy in the bread aisle to see my stress flares and come to my rescue. He was a grocery angel. He explained that I needed to put a dollar coin in the lock in order to free the chained cart. I told him Thank you in my American accent and then it all made sense to him.

Cover blown once again.

Wading through each of the aisles you instantly search for something familiar. A familiar brand, label, bottle, anything that reminds you of home. Unfortunately, energizer batteries and Coke-a-Cola was all I could come up with, however, the double digit prices immediately made them quite unfamiliar. That “free the cart” bewildered look instantly came back on my face as I stopped looking for food and decided to walk the aisles just looking at the prices like a museum. A six pack of batteries back home would be close to $5…here $12. Medium size box of laundry detergent $35. As my father as a witness, we did even see a 36 pack of coke cans for $32. How about just needing 2 single banana’s and 2 single apples (not bags, just individual)…$3.50. And with the American dollar and the Australian dollar almost equivalent, there is not much of exchange rate. Standing in the middle of the aisle, I began fighting back every form of fear that was trying to creep in. Fear answering the question, am I truly capable of surviving out here?

Did I mention everything was double digits??

Anyone want to save money and go on a picnic?

My first Sunday arrived and I was able to officially visit my new church (myc3church.net). Andrew and Janine saved my dad and I two seats in the front with a “reserved” card. I felt like a celebrity. I was able to meet so many amazing leaders in the church, the president of the college, the dean of students, even one of the executive pastors. I felt right at home. I was so encouraged there. The sermon was, once again, spoken right for me. It was on Grace. The pastor referenced a scripture that was on the power point screen and I felt compelled to look up in my Bible. I quietly thumbed through to 2 Corinthians 9:8, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” And then...wow...I was so humbled and encouraged...hand written on the left side of the scripture were the words “Australia 2010”. My eyes began to well up. I don’t remember when I wrote that note near the side of that scripture, but God was bringing me back to it. He was reminding me that no matter how scary the roads gets, how expensive the stores are, HE was able to make ALL grace about to me.

I will have all I need. He is my income. He is taking care of me. God provides where He guides. This is the beginning a new adventure. An adventure of Grace.

It's going to be amazing!